Monthly Archive for October, 2009

Flaptasking in the Wild

It’s been a few weeks since McDowall coined the term flaptask and, like I said, I’ve been trying to promote it’s use at The Work. As a large company full of management types that are clearly out of their depth most of the time there’s been many opportunities for me to drop the word flaptask and other related terms like flapbeast, flashflap, flapspam and flaptrap into polite office discussions.  The related terms haven’t really taken off to any great degree, but we did have a giant running game of trying to create new ones over the course of a day or so.

That was a couple of weeks ago though, and I’d all but forgotten about the whole thing when out of the blue I heard someone in the canteen complaining about a flaptask that his manager had come up with. Thing is the guy in question has nothing to do with my team, and I’ve never actually seen him before or since.

The implications of this are clear: The flaptasks are spreading…

It’s Started Already…

Today is Monday the 26th of October, it’s SIXTY CALENDAR DAYS to Christmas and I’m already sick to the back teeth of hearing about it. The cabling and supports are already up on the main shopping streets just waiting for the bulb laden monstrosities that passed for street decorations to be plugged in. The shop stockrooms are bursting at the seams with faux festive cheer. Everywhere around the country there’s already the quite rustle of dusty carrier bags and boxes of decorations creeping out of storage.

Worse than that though, and less than ten feet from where I’m sitting, there are two of the office harridans my work colleagues are sitting discussing what their mercenary brats are demanding for Christmas this year.  I’ve written before that I think childhood, and life in general, is becoming far too commercial and mercenary. I actually think that I might actually have found the epitome of what I’m talking about in these two women and their kids.

The elder of the two women has a pair of kids aged nine and three. Seemingly the oldest kid wants, in order of desire, a laptop, a Nintendo Wii with Wii Fit Plus, a mobile phone. The three year old is more modest in his ambitions and only wants a Thomas the tank engine DVD set, but before you go aw, that’s not so bad, bear in mind that he also wants a flat screen LCD telly to watch them on.

The other woman’s kids are even worse. They both want laptops, and along with their laptops one wants an iPhone and the other one wants an iPod. What makes this so much worse is the fact that the kids in question are only four and three. They’re not even old enough to know what capitalism is, let along old enough to be the greedy little consumers of high tech goods that the world seems to be transforming them into. Kids of that age should be wholly concerned with two things in my opinion: enjoying a relatively carefree existence and getting their schoolwork done. Even then I would put the emphasis firmly on the former. There will be plenty of time for conspicuous consumption, rampant debt and financial suicide when they’re old enough to wipe their own arses without expecting a round of applause.

What the hell is a four year old going to do with an iPhone anyway?

I know that when I was young I was probably just as demanding as a child. I desperately demanded stuff that was well beyond my parents capabilities to afford and in my defence I didn’t understand money any better than a modern wean does. As a result I can excuse their excessive demands. They’re young and impressionable, they have older siblings or relatives that have fancy things and they want them too. They’re bombarded with adverts on the TV and internet telling them that they’re not cool if they don’t have the latest thing (only £699.99 plus postage and packing).

Personally I think the parents need educated far more than the kids. I don’t think it’s bad for children to have wildly unattainable desires for expensive toys and items, but I do believe that this should be tempered by their parents. Kids should learn that just because they want something that doesn’t mean that they get it. The real world doesn’t work like that, and nether should theirs. Parents shouldn’t be getting into debt to get nine year olds an iPhone or running here there and everywhere to get them exactly the right kind of toy. The giving of gifts should be about showing affection and even love for the family and not a way to increase their already hollow yet cluttered existances.

Remember that old war cry of mother’s everywhere: “I want doesn’t get.” I think it should be applied with a vengeance to many of today’s kids. Maybe then we can all get back to enjoying Christmas as a season of goodwill and cheer instead of the three month long consumerist nightmare it’s become.

Too long have I lain in dormancy…

In the immortal words of HP Lovecraft:

They were not composed altogether of flesh and blood. They had shape…but that shape was not made of matter. When the stars were right, They could plunge from world to world through the sky; but when the stars were wrong, They could not live. But although They no longer lived, They would never really die. They all lay in stone houses in Their great city of R’lyeh, preserved by the spells of mighty Cthulhu for a glorious resurrection when the stars and the earth might once more be ready for Them.

There seem to be a couple of teething problems with the blog at the minute as it still shows the static “Game Over” page instead of the live post feed. At the minute for some reason it needs to be hard refreshed (CNTL+F5) to force it to load properly. I don’t it’s something to do with the length of time it was sitting with a static front page, but I’ll see if it’s something that I can fix from this end.

GK is not down with the “kids”

If someone could furnish me with the memo that I missed where the word “cool” and all of its attendant social connotations was replaced with the word “sick” I’d be eternally grateful. I might even be grateful enough to let you watch as I stab the aforementioned author repeatedly in the face with a shitty stick.

It’s not that I’m keen to put down the kids, or their self indulgent patois, but I can’t see how the word sick could possibly have been considered as a synonym or replacement for cool. The word cool is so ingrained in western culture that it has become an abstract and flighty concept that’s hard to explain and even harder to adhere to. Cool is defined by the situation, the fashion and the people involved. Nothing is universally cool, but almost everything is cool in one way or another.

I suppose every generation feels the need to try and plant their footprints on the language, but in my opinion the word sick just doesn’t fit in with the concept. If you say someone is sick it brings up the vision of a teenage bawsack lying around their house choked with the cold. It doesn’t bring up a picture of Todd McRadd the world champion skateboarding daredevil back flipping his way down the Eiffel tower.

I remember a similar thing as a kid in Ayrshire when the word cool was, for a short time at least, decidedly un-cool. For reasons that will probably always remain a mystery we chose to try and replace cool with the Gaelic word agus though in our ignorance we pronounced it ahy-gus rather than the proper ugh-us. It never really caught on outside of the Irvine Valley though and quickly faded into obscurity along with our misguided use of other Gaelic words like Gallus.

Finally, and in all seriousness, I ask that people in Scotland stop describing things as sick. I ask this not out of any personal malice towards the continuing Americanisation of our culture, but simply because with the majority of Scottish accents the word sick can be misheard as shit…

Flaptask!

McDowall has coined a new phrase to describe a fairly common piece of management bullshit:

FLAPTASK – A task which is created by middle management purely as a reaction to some over dramatized event.

I’m not entirely clear on the exact etymology of the term, but I can take a rough guess at what prompted its creation. In recognition of this new term I’ve officially declared today International Flaptask Day and I’m contemplating adding it to various online dictionaries and Wikipedia to see if I can get it to take off.