Monthly Archive for November, 2009

Rumbling Stumbling Onions

I’m beginning to suspect that I’ve developed some kind of intolerance for onions in recent months. Every single time I eat anything with onions in it I get a horrible sick feeling; which is bad enough, but it’s accompanied by a horrible bloated feeling. Maybe my digestive system isn’t what it used to be. I know that Mrs McDowall recently discovered that she suffers from an allergy to onions, but I don’t think that it’s an allergic reaction I’ve been having. It’s more like my stomach has become intolerant of the damn things or at least is having some trouble processing them.

The bloated feeling is annoying, but it tends to be coupled with some rather horrible gaseous side effects. The end result is that whenever I eat onions I end up feeling like a Bile Demon from the game Dungeon Keeper, but with legs of course. I wouldn’t mind as much because I’m not a great fan of onions, except when they’re pickled, but as I said not so long ago EVERYTHING seems to be filled with onions lately.

Strangely I often get a similar reaction with eggs, especially fried eggs, so I tend to avoid them whenever possible despite my eternal love of that old family staple of mashed up boiled eggs in a mug.

East Indyanaman

El Kat, who is well versed in my love of management type computer games, history and anything with pirates in it, bought me a copy of the game East India Company. At first glance it looks to be similar to Empire: Total War both in general appearance and the historic period that serves as the backdrop to the game. These similarities are only skin deep however. Empire: Total War is an empire building game where the creation of a powerful, functional world empire serves mainly to feed the war machine for the real-time strategy battles that make up the meat of the game.

East India Company on the other hand is more of a mercantile simulator. The player is cast in the role of the Governor Director of an East India Company belonging to one of the major powers of eighteenth century Europe.  The year is 1600 which coincides with the foundation of the English East India Company in the real world.

The East India Companies were a powerful force in the early modern historical period, and none more so that the English one. It was basically a law unto itself in India and China. It raised armies, minted coins and conducted itself more or less like a separate and very powerful nation on the Indian subcontinent. The goal of the game is for the player’s company to reach such dizzying heights between the years 1600 and 1750. The player is free to use whatever means they deem appropriate to deal with the competition from the other seven European companies. They can declare war and take their ships, ports and goods by force, form alliances or even force their enemies into bankruptcy through shady business practices and monopolies on goods. Ports can be conquered to block their use to enemies, and shipping lanes can be blockaded to harass the enemy and provide a steam of illicit income from stolen goods.

Things have been going slow so far, but it’s only 1610 so far, and I’m up to my eyes in debt because I didn’t read the manual before I charged right in. Still it looks like a involving and interesting game.

The Twelfth Night

On the twelfth day of Christmas the office plebs subjected me to…

Twelve ungrateful children stories,

Eleven far too expensive presents,

Ten Christmas TV discussions,

Nine badly decorated Christmas trees,

Eight Christmas diet plans

Seven office Christmas party plans

Six weans a playing up

Five expensive foreign holidays

Four crap Christmas jokes

Three stories about shopping centres

Two laptop present recommendations

And shit load of Twilight discussions

The Maestro Is Dead

After years of faithful service, and a few odd hiccups, it seems that the Clydesdale Bank has finally decided to retire their poor old Maestro cards. I’ve just got a letter through the door telling me that I can expect to receive a shiny new MasterCard Debit Card through the post in the near future.

I’m not sure what the immediate advantages are to me as the main selling point on the accompanying leaflet seems to be the fact that I can use it in millions of places around the world. Not much use when I’m a famously insular Scot that refuses to go anywhere that I can’t walk to in a day. I’ve been through the leaflet twice and I can’t see any other advantage mentioned so I guess that’s my lot.

Not entirely sure why Clydesdale have chosen to change this as Maestro is operated by MasterCard anyway so in effect it’s the same service… Isn’t it?

Amazing Rewards Inside

Barclaycard seem to be getting pissed off. I’ve just got a letter today telling me that I’m a lucky man. My Graduate Barclaycard has now been upgraded to a wonderful new Barclaycard Cashback. I assume this is because I’ve not actually bought anything with my current card since 2006 and have just recently finished paying off the last of the outstanding balance. I suppose it’s my own fault for listening to people when they told me I should keep it in case of “emergencies”. If I’d gotten rid of the card in the first place

The letter is a big glossy mail shot written in a friendly and encouraging tone with details of all the amazing features of my new card. The top line is a blazing azure headline that reads “Good News – You’re Being Upgraded”.

First of all I get an amazing 1% cashback on the first £20,000 of purchases I make each year and 0.5% cashback after that.

Double cashback on contactless purchases.

They’ll also lower my purchase APR to 21.4% and give me 0% on any balance transfers that I make until September 2010 (3% fee of course).

They also gave me a £10 House of Fraser voucher…

So in very simple terms I’m to be highly excited by a card that rewards me with virtually nothing unless I spend a huge amount. Additionally I would have to instantly pay off all the balance as soon as the statement arrived or my diminutive cashback “reward” would instantly be dwarfed by the amount added on to my account in interest.

I think this upgraded card will be joining it’s pal in the drawer.

F**k You Baldrick

Once again I find myself sitting here with an incredulous look on my face and shaking my head in disdainful wonder at the so called “Great British Public”.

The BBC news has an article today that details a list of fifty unsung British heroes that the National Lottery has assembled as part of its 15th anniversary celebrations. You can see the full list here, but I’ll try to limit myself to a short rant on the contents of the top ten:

1: Michael Faraday, physicist

2: JM Barrie, author

3: Edward Jenner, smallpox vaccine pioneer

4: John Peel, broadcaster

5: Alan Turing, mathematician

6: Baldrick, Blackadder character

7: Midge Ure, singer

8: Percy Shaw, cat’s eyes inventor

9: Tim Berners-Lee, worldwide web inventor

10: Fred Scott, BBC cameraman

Admittedly some of the people in the top ten are underappreciated for their contributions to science, arts and society in general. Others though I would say are very well known, and some, well some shouldn’t even be on a list of people who are supposedly “heroes”.

Apologies to people of a nervous disposition, but I have to get something out of my system before I continue.

BALDRICK is a fictional character you FUCKING CRETINS!

Sorry about that.

The rest of the list is a strange mixture. As I’ve said I agree that many of the people mentioned on the list are deeply underappreciated by the public. The news was recently filled with the demand that the British Government apologise for basically hounding Alan Turing to suicide after the Second World War. His contribution to the fledgling art of computing and cryptanalysis during the war cannot be overstated and I believe he rightly belongs near the top of the list.

Midge Ure however is a world famous musician and responsible for a good chunk of the organisation of Band Aid, and the Band Aid Trust charity. I don’t see why was he chosen over the heads of other worthies such as Sting, Fish or even, dare I say it, Bob Geldof who was the more visible partner in Band Aid. I suppose at least Midge managed to do more than spend his life riding along on a one hit wonder band and thumping tables at charity gigs.

Another odd entry is Fred Scott the BBC cameraman at number ten. He’s the award winning cameraman who was filming when John Simpson and his Iraqi translator Kamaran Abdurrazaq Muhamed were caught in a friendly fire incident during the Iraq war. Kamaran was unfortunately killed when a US warplane bombed the convoy of Kurdish vehicles they were travelling in. Simpson was left deaf in one ear as a result. It was an important moment in the media coverage of warfare. I wouldn’t go as far as to rank Fred as high as 10 on this list, but I wouldn’t do him the dishonour of ranking him lower than FUCKING BALDRICK.

The more I read this list the more I begin to wonder if the people who voted for it were even aware of whom many of these people were. To me it reads like a list of people that young, trendy eighteen to twenty-four year olds have vaguely heard about from various sources and they picked them out of the hat. The inclusion of people like Stephen Merchant who co-wrote The Office seems like it was thrown in by some insane fan and the inclusion of the FICTIONAL CHARACTER of Jeeves the butler from the Jeeves and Wooster short stories strains credibility. Why not replace Jeeves with P.G Wodehouse himself? He’s not exactly well known now as he was when he started publishing stories.

I’m going to lie down in a dark room before I decide to go all Dr. Evil and try to put end to this farce we call society once and for all.

An Expensive Hobby

I’m a greedy man I think as I’m constantly looking at the price of components on ebuyer.com with an eye on improving my PC. I’ve not got much spare cash right now, and with Christmas approaching I’ll need to set some aside for presents, but I’m still plotting and planning and dreaming of a massive upgrade. I know it’s only been about a year since the last time I carried out some upgrades, but I’m planning a more comprehensive overhall this time. The old dual core AMD Athlon that I’ve got is starting to act quite tired, and windows XP is slowly choking to death under the bloat of installed crap that I’ve never got round to removing.

I’ve even gone as far as going through all the review websites and checking out what would give me the best bang for my buck.  Tom’s Hardware and Tech Radar have been particularly helpful as ever. I’ve not gone overboard and went for the best of stuff, but I have tried to pick things that will last quite a long time and dramatically improve the current performance of my machine.

So far my plans are shaping up like this:

Intel Core i7 920 D0 – £214.87

ASUS P6T Deluxe V2 iX58 – £202.30

Antec 902 Nine Hundred Two Black ATX Case – £86.99

Samsung SpinPoint F1 HD103UJ 1TB Hard Drive x2 – £116.22

Corsair 6GB (3x2GB) DDR3 1600MHz XMS3 – £133.21

Grand Total: – £753.59

Unfortunately that’s far to steep for my current financial situation. In fact for that price I could more or less get the MacBook that I’m always humming and hawing about, or I could even buy a complete computer from Mesh or some of the other specialist gaming PC retailers. Advantages being that I would get the whole package with a warranty, and various other peripherals included in the price.

I’ve already got a copy of windows 7 professional that I bought, so it would be a simple matter to wipe all the preinstalled crap off a shop bought machine and set it up however the hell I like.

Remembrance Musings

I’ve written in the past that every year seeing all the poppies going around in early November always makes me thing of my Gran and her tireless annual collection on behalf of the Earl Haig Fund (Now the Poppy Scotland Fund). It also makes me think of the Big Country song Remembrance Day which seems to capture the mood of the day better than anything else I’ve heard.

In your fine green ware
I will walk with you tonight
In your raven hair
I will find a Summer night

Upon far flung soil
I will run you through my head
In my daily toil
All the promises are said

I know the weary can rise again
I know it all from the words you send

I will go, I will go
I will leave the firelight
I will go, I will go
For it’s now the time is right

I will sing a young man’s song
That you would sing
On Remembrance Day
I will be the sacrifice
And bells will ring
On Remembrance Day

I must leave this land
And the hunger that is here
But the place I stand
Is the one I love so dear

Like a flower in some forest
That the world will never see
I will stand so proud
For I know what we can be

I know the weary can rise again
I know it all from the words you send

I will go, I will go
I will leave the firelight
I will go, I will go
For it’s now the time is right

I will sing a young man’s song
That you would sing
On Remembrance Day
I will be the sacrifice
And bells will ring
On Remembrance Day

This day I will remember you
This way, I will always return

And I will sing a young man’s song….

Broken Chainring

Out of the blue my bike has developed some kind of problem with the gears. It seemed to be fine when I was riding along on the flat or down hill, but as soon as I shifted to the middle chain ring at the front I started slipping violently out of gear. I thought at first that the derailleur had been knocked out of alignment, but after getting off and taking a look it seems I have a more serious problem.

It looks as though a couple of teeth on the middle chain ring have either broken, or worn down to about half their original length. As a result if the chain is turning across the tooth at the same time I’m putting a lot of downward force on it, either through climbing a hill or pushing off from a standing start, the chain is leaping off the ring and either ending up on the smallest ring, or entirely off the chain rings.

You can see what I’m talking about here, and apologies in advance for the mess:

Chainring

Chainring

With worn teeth highlighted

With worn teeth highlighted

It’s looking like the only cure is to replace the two chain rings, which by the looks of it amounts to a similar cost to buying an entirely new crank set. I’m tempted to buy a whole new set as the chances are that I’ll inexpertly manage to ding up either the new chain rings or the originals during installation and be right back to square one.

I’ve been reading up a bit on wear and tear on bike drive trains and it looks like I’ll need to check the chain and rear cassette as well. Seemingly much of the wear that I’m seeing is usually cause by a worn out chain as much as anything else. It could be that the gears I use the most on the back cassette are as worn, if not more worn out than the front ones. If that’s the case I’d be as well replacing the crank set, chain and cassette in one fell swoop rather than buying them piecemeal and creating more problems for myself further down the line.

In the meantime the bike is out of commission for fear of damaging something else on it.

Remember Remember

The sun is finally up and it’s now officially the 6th of November 2009.  All the pensioners, animals and those of a nervous disposition can safely emerge from their bunkers into the cold light of day and be thankful that the annual barrage of fireworks that marks Guy Fawkes Night is more or less over for another year.

I’ve written a bit before about Guy Fawkes Night, or as we called it when I was young Bonfire Night, but I thought I’d wax lyrical about it again after reading the news this morning.

Firstly let me be completely clear here: I love fireworks. I love the huge organised displays that they have at events, and I love the little intimate local ones when they’re done properly. I say this in full knowledge that Scotland Gas Networks have a huge excavation on the road outside exposing a major gas main to the sky, and to raining fireworks…

What I don’t agree with, and can’t understand is why, with all the mounting cases of animal cruelty, violence and horrific injury, we still allow fireworks to be sold over the counter to almost anyone. Sure there’s laws in place regulating their sale to people over 18, and I’m sure that every corner shop and fly by night fireworks store owner rigorously follows that rule, but if they do why are so many youths mentioned as being the perpetrators in the firework stories in the news this morning.

So far this I’ve read about:

A firework shooting in an open window of the high flats in Whiteinch and the occupant then had to be treated for smoke insulation. Seemingly a kid fired the rocket from ground level outside. I’m inclined to believe this was a freak event, but you never know.

A group of firemen trying to put out a fire in a house in Bridge of Weir being attacked by a gang of weans launching fireworks.

At the weekend a badly injured cat was found in Crosshill, near Maybole, with wounds consistent with a firework having being strapped to her back and set off. The innocent animal had to be put down after having suffered for perhaps as much as a week after being hurt.

Last year we had a couple of classics up in North Lanarkshire:

A dog dying of a heart attack after being struck by a firework when a gang of youths attacked a kennel in Bellshill with a dozen fireworks over a three hour period.

A ten month old girl being burned on the neck after a pair of youths threw a lit firework into her pram as she sat outside a shop in New Stevenson. Thankfully she was only slightly injured as her clothes had taken the brunt of it.

These are only the stories that made the front page of papers. I’m sure that there were a hundred more incidents that went unreported, or unacknowledged by victims too scared to report the youths that terrorised them.

I understand that as a kid the desire to throw fireworks at other people is strong, but in days gone by it were mainly small firecrackers that people threw around. Sure they were still small explosive devices, but they weren’t very powerful at all. They could cause some bruises and maybe a small burn, but they weren’t going to blow anyone’s face off. Not that throwing fireworks at anyone should be encouraged, but in the distance past where it wasn’t particularly frowned upon the fireworks were nowhere near as powerful as the ones available today.

If find it ironic and amusing that at any other time of the year if a bunch of teenage junkies, or even a fairly respectable looking businessman, went into a shop looking to buy a dozen rockets packed with gunpowder the cop from monopoly would appear out of nowhere and sort them right out.

I think it might be a lark to threaten to charge the neds under the anti-terrorism laws that the government are so proud of. After all one of the definitions of terrorism is.

After typing that last paragraph I had a look into the definition of terrorism and it seems that legally, in the UK at least, terrorism is more closely defined. According to the 2006 Terrorism Act a terrorist under UK law is defined as a group or persons who meet the following criteria:

(b) The use or threat is designed to influence the government or to intimidate the public or a section of the public.

(c) The use or threat is made for the purpose of advancing a political, religious or ideological cause.

Maybe a few hours of water boarding and a kicking from some double hard bastards from the SAS would make them think twice about the fireworks next year.

I enjoy fireworks and bonfires as much as the next man, but for the love of god I think we desperately need to do something to get them out of the hands of neds. Be that better education on the dangers, tighter regulation on their sale and use or even to go as far as to ban this archaic and deeply English celebration altogether I leave that up to the nation to decide.