Monthly Archive for January, 2010

F#@KING CRANKSET

After several unforeseen delays I finally got my hands on the replacement cranks that I ordered for my bike. Unfortunately, and with the perquisite Ayrshire level of hubris,  I made the  mistake of assuming that I had all the necessary tools to remove the old cranks and fit the new ones.

It turns out that the tool kit that I have doesn’t have a tool capable of removing the splined lock rings on the Truvativ sealed bottom bracket that came with my bike. I didn’t notice the problem to begin with because visually the installed bracket seems to be similar to the ones that belong to the ISIS system. I assumed that the tool for the ISIS system that I do have would fit it no bother. It turns out that the axle on the Truvativ is several millimetres wider in diameter than the ISIS ones and as a result the tool I have won’t fit over it to reach the ring itself. It’s next to impossible to remove the bottom bracket without the appropriate tool.

Fortunately it seems that it’s easy to come by these tools as all the major bike shops in town seem to sell them. Naturally though the damn thing is between ten and twenty quid which seems like a lot of money for what’s basically a funny shaped socket attachment.

Kids the moral of this story is: check what tools and equipment you need BEFORE YOU START.

Screenplay Musings 29/01/2010

Lately I’ve really gotten back into the habit of writing things and I think my resurgence owes a lot to my decision to start planning my writing instead of trying to bash out a finished product from the start. This seems to be particularly true of my screen-writing where I’ve managed to knock together quite a substantial amount of writing on treatments for three separate ideas. Admittedly none of them are finished, but they’re started whcih is a lot more than I’ve managed with them previously. The simple process of sitting down to write  and squeezing  the ideas and images out of my head and onto the page is a big leap forward from where I was this time last year.

Now if I can jsut stop playing Empire: Total War I might be able to get some of them finished.

0930 or 0630…?

Lately I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m probably doing myself some kind of lasting psychological and/or physiological damage by forcing myself into a routine that clearly isn’t natural to my body. My evidence is anecdotal and circumstantial of course, but I’m going to press on with this post now that I’ve started.

I’ve been comparing and contrasting the differences in my routine at the weekend and while on holiday with my routine during the working week.

During the week my routine is virtually identical every day. I get at 0630, get ready and leave the house at 0700. I walk to work and get there for eight, stagger through the day job, have my lunch at 1200 and then leave at four. It takes another hour or so to walk home. After that my time is technically my own to potter around doing whatever I want till I go to bed about 2230 at which point I’m usually out like a light.

This seemed to work fine for years, but nowadays I tend to find that I quickly become quite tired as the two hours of walking and early morning start to take their toll. The freezing and dark winter mornings seem to magnify this effect significantly. The end result is that by the time I reach the work I already want to go to sleep and working through the day isn’t. Importantly I tend to stay in this state until roughly 0930 whereupon I tend to improve significantly. The walk home is often far easier, and seems faster than the walk in, but of course that’s a purely subjective perception on my part as I know for a fact they take virtually the same amount of time.

While I’m on holiday, or on the weekend, I tend to sleep till almost exactly 0930 in the morning. After that I feel compelled to get up because I quickly grow bored of lying in bed trying to pretend to myself that I’m still sleeping and not hanging about for want of something better to do. I reckon, given that it happens consistently, without outside stimulus, that this is my natural waking up point.

Once I’m up the day is generally my own, and I find myself staying up to about somewhere between midnight and one in the morning. Then I go to sleep and the whole cycle starts again.

I really curious if there’s a link between the fact that I normally wake up at 0930 and the fact that I feel like a shambling undead during the week before that time. As I said at the start I’m also curious if forcing my body to wake up before its due time has any lasting effects. Could I be doing damage to my physical or mental health by forcing myself out of bed at half six in the morning, or is it purely psychological barriers thrown up due to the fact that my work sucks monkey balls right now?

Answers on a postcard.

Illness Sigh

OK contrary to the rumours floating about I’m not dead, but I have been a bit under the weather the last few days. I’m hoping that illness, like bad luck, only comes along in threes as I’ve now developed a god awful sore throat on top of the bad cold I had just after new year, and the vomiting bug I had before Christmas.

I know I’ve let the blogging and general jabber slip a bit this month, but I plan to get back on track fairly quickly.

Willy Wonka Right Enough

I caught a bit of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory recently on TV, and I really don’t remember it being so damn scary in parts. It’s a wonder they market it as a children’s film. If you need any more evidence just watch this scene where Gene Wilder clearly eats some chocolate laced with acid and goes on a bad trip.

Freaky!

Moar Maddie and Moar The Sun

There’s yet another story in The Sun about the court case involving the parents of Madeline McCann and the Portuguese police officer. Just like the one yesterday the comments feature has been disabled for this one story.

Come on The Sun let the public have their say.

Maddie and The Sun

In spite of my better judgement I keep logging on to The Sun’s website to read what kind of bizarre spin they’re putting on the news. Normally their mix of jingoistic half news and Tory supporting “politics” amuses me in much the same way as watching folk hurt themselves on You’ve Been Framed, but today I’ve developed a rage at a very specific aspect of their website.

Throughout the site, at the bottom of every article, there is a comments section where registered users can let loose their own brand of misspelled, FULL CAPS “opinions” for everyone to see.  The comments often rival the worst that you can find on Youtube, or any other site with a large group of users. Just like Youtube a large proportion of the most vocal users appear to be a largely illiterate and demented.

The comments themselves have never caused me much annoyance. In fact I would go as far as to say that they add to the amusement value of many of the articles and especially when the commenter charge in having only read half of the preceding article. I’ve actually lost count of the number of times that someone has blamed Gordon Brown for something that he couldn’t possibly have any control over.

No the comments are fine, but I am annoyed by the fact that the sun chooses to prevent people from commenting on certain stories while allowing free reign on others.

Today The Sun is running a story about the ongoing court case between Goncalo Amaral and the parents of Madeline McCann over the banning of his book on the case. In the book the former police officer alleges that Madeline’s parents accidentally caused her death and then went to elaborate lengths to dispose of her body and cover their tracks. I’ve actually read the book as it was posted on Wikileaks.org last year and I believe that the author makes some very valid points. The writing style was sensationalist, and very accusatory, but the underlying theory does merit investigation. I accept that it’s natural that the McCanns should be outraged at the accusation of being responsible for Madaline’s disappearance, but at the same time they should accept that they are bound to be investigated in some manner. It seems to me that even if they did not, as the book alleges, have a hand in their daughter’s disappearance that they were at the very least negligent in their parental responsibilities.

The book has been banned, at the request of the McCanns, due to its controversial nature, but I feel that this is fundamentally wrong. If we are not allowed to hear all sides of an argument how can we judge which side is right?

In a similar vein The Sun, which has been hypercritical of the Portuguese police from the day and hour the story broke, has branded Chief Inspector Tavares Almeida’s allegations “outrageous” and described the police officer as “sick”. In my opinion this man, and his former superior who authored the book under discussion are merely articulating a view that has been widely circulated since Madeline disappeared in May 2007. Without sufficient evidence to refute the theory it remains perfectly valid. Let’s not forget that this entire case turned into an outrageous media circus within days of the disappearance being reported. The McCanns themselves have been repeatedly criticised in foreign media for their apparently nonchalant reaction to discovering their child’s disappearance, their uncommonly calm and detached demeanour on press conferences after the story broke and most of all for leaving all three of their small children alone in an unlocked apartment, in a strange city, while they went out for a meal.

The whole case offends me, but what offends me more is that The Sun doesn’t have the courage to leave their comments system turned on so that people can make their opinions, critical or otherwise, known on the article. If the McCanns have nothing to hide then they’ve nothing to fear from conspiracy theories. Equally if The Sun is determined to keep advertising itself as a paper of the common person in the street then it needs to let the man in the street have their say no matter how far that might diverge from The Sun’s opinion.

Electronic Vagueness

What is it with middle managers and vague instructions delivered over email? Perhaps they’re scared that by being specific they’ll offend me in some manner?

GreyKodiak

Can you prpvide a list of those which caused the problems in December to both myself and the Humourless Harridan.

Captain Calamity

I left his abominable spelling and grammar intact.  Now I grant you that, at first glance, the instructions seem fairly specific, but I, and my team at work, deal with a lot of different stuff and it’s all prone to failures of one sort or another. Is he looking for information on our failures to adhere to the relevant legislation, or supplier failures, or even the number of times the toilet has been put out of order by the Phantom Turd Bomber. Maybe he’s not talking about work at all. Maybe he’s looking for information about the number of failed terrorist attacks on the news.

Instead of spending an entire day throwing random stuff together I did the sensible thing and emailed him back to to ask exactly what he was looking for:

Captain Calamity I’m not sure what information you’re looking for. Which problems do you mean exactly?

Naturally this must have caused some confusion as he then emailed me back with this:

The fsilures which we had in Dec who caused them and what was the reason.

Congratulations you old fool. You’ve just reworded your original email and managed to make it just as vague as it was the first time round.In an act of pointless defiance I’ve decided not to email him back as this circular discussion would probably go on all day. I’ve got a feeling I know what information he is looking for, but I’m still in the middle of producing it and it’ll probably be a few days before I’m finished.

The big problem with Captain Calamity, and indeed the vast majority of managers, is that he has no concept of the amount of time required to shepherd things through the convoluted processes that he devised while sitting staring into space. The paperwork is so bad now that each item on his requested list takes about half an hour to do, and there’s 90 or so currently outstanding. He’s got a meeting with his boss this afternoon so he no doubt assumes that I’ll pull the information out of my arse in time for him to take it along.

Unlikely.

I’m not even going to start on the lack of a “please” or “thank-you” in either email.

I’m also well aware of the irony of me complaining about the amount of time required to collate the required information while simultaneously sitting here posting on my blog.

Winter Flaptask Wonderland

I know that, to the population of the British Isles, moaning about the weather is a national past time, but I wish to hell everyone would shut up about the current cold winter. It’s winter for crying out loud.

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT?

Sure I know I’m being  a bit hypocritical after my moaning posts about the cold in my flat, but in my defence I’m not complaining about the cold itself I’m complaining about the lack of preparation for the cold.

As far as I can tell this winter has been so bad because Britain as a whole is completely unprepared for a bout of snow and freezing temperatures that lasts anything more than a week or so. So why is that? Could it be because much of our utility infrastructure, especially the water network, is Victorian. Could it also be because we suffer from chronic underinvestment of public spending on roads maintenance, front line council services and social care for the truly needy.  Could it also be because Britain’s response to winter runs on action plans and studies that are, at best, products of the 1950′s and 60′s?

Perhaps the fact that our utilties and councils that are working round the clock to keep us moving, warm and supplied with “essential services” do not have a plan to deal with this kind of scenario?

Before the snow has even melted I guarantee that big wigs from Scottish Water, Scotia Gas Networks and all the local authorities are all up on the TV thanking their staff for working so hard over the winter and promising the “processes and procedures” will be put in place to deal with any similar situation in the future. The public and press will cheer at the thought that next time everything will be in hand.

It’s all lies of course. The big wigs will go back to their offices and start laying off more of the staff that helped them through the winter to meet “company profitably factors”. No doubt by the time the next bad winter comes around they’ll have gone through an election or a “restructure” be in a different job where they don’t have to worry about it.

We need to put aside all this health and safety bullshit, admit that ice can be a bit slippy, and get on with our lives. So what if you fall, a couple of bruises never harmed anyone, and if you do more damage you can get some time off work and hide in your house till it’s all over.

Meanwhile stop making such a flaptask out of the winter weather and get the hell on with life.

Screenplay Musings 06/01/2010

Well we’re seven days into 2010 already, and despite my deadly cold over the last three or four days I’ve actually made some headway on my screenplay. It’s nearly a month already since I made that post detailing my plans to actually write a plan this time round, and I’ve finally made a decent start on it. I’ve got a few pages of scrap paper with some hashed out major events on them, and some interesting images and bits of dialogue that popped into my head while thinking them though.

Admittedly all I’ve managed to do so far is get the first act down in treatment form, but it’s further than I’ve got in a long time. The story remains essentially unchanged, Glasgow slackers find spaceship and adventure ensues, but I’ve changed a few aspects that ultimately I wasn’t happy with. The treatment itself is looking to be about twelve of fifteen pages long, maybe about five or six thousand words I guess, and there’s currently no dialogue or anything but the briefest of descriptions. So far I’m sticking fairly rigidly to the idea of what a treatment should or shouldn’t be.

I’ve taken the plunge and opted for a short, and hopefully humorous cold opening which will at least partly explain what the spaceship is on Earth. Admittedly this was easier to come up with after I had written a short story about where the spaceship came from in the first place. I’ve also changed, at least slightly, the introduction to the characters. In the original version that I started to write straight into screenplay format it was good, but it was also long winded and eventually ran out of steam. The main characters were too busy interacting when they should have been acting. It’s important to remember that film is a visual medium. Unlike a stage play or a radio drama it’s meant to be watched and not listened to.

Now all I have to do is keep plugging away and finish off the entire treatment.