Wance upon a evening dreary,
I heard a noise, a clamour eerie,
Aneath ma windaes oan the road,
The jabberin o some human toads,
That set ma mighty ears a flappin’,
Those adolescent lips a slappin’
Tae the curtains wie a start,
And pulled them back wie dreading heart
Ma heid ah a poked oot tae see,
Aside the barren willow trees,
A frichtful gang o neds aw mucky,
Rollin’ roon and roon wie buckie,
Ah shouted oot tae them at wance,
They best begone fae ma bus stance,
Get it up ye they rejoined,
Giggling wie the phrase they coined,
Ma face turned rid and ma teeth bared,
And Wie aw ma latent rage ah stared,
At thur plooky neds and hackitt sengas,
Lying aboot like human jenga.
Who dae ye bams think ye ur,
Tae act like such a bunch a curs?
Govan Young Team big man,
Giuzz peace tae drink oor can,
Nay! Ya bams I cried wie rage,
Begone or ah’ll lock ye in a cage,
Wie tigers, bears and deadly snakes,
Tae turn ye intae human steaks.
Now aff they went wie fearful clatter,
Wie terror that their blood tae splatter,
Doon the Govan Road et rocket speeds,
Terrors black in their wee heids,
Whit demon threatened their very souls,
Wie burying in forgotten holes,
Awa’ they cry, and don’t be slack
Less thur big man’s et our back.
Tae ma TV ah returned,
Shamed that nae ned had burned,
And switched it oan, masel tae see,
Oan the frichtfull BeeBeeCee.
Ma rage ye see had been captured,
By the Security Camera enraptured,
And intae Beadle wan two thee,
Tae show oan the accursed TeeVee.